Circles of Friends - MOAI
We have been listening to podcasts – particularly House Calls, hosted by Dr. Vivek Murthy, the Surgeon General of the United States. He is a remarkable interviewer with a focus on relationships and healing. His guests are extraordinary people with powerful stories about how we can take care of each other – and ourselves.
Vivek Murthy explains MOAI as a tradition from Okinawa – where people make a ‘pact’ to support each other for life. He discusses the impact of this relationship with his two MOAI partners. They talk about how to begin forming your own MOAI. It is well worth a listen.
In MOAI, partners share their innermost issues. One describes how it starts small, but is a slippery slope into deep trust and interdependence.
They also mention that MOAI is a little like a Circle of Friends – and we agree. If we are even aware of ‘Circle of Friends/Support’, our understanding is typically constrained to the ‘disability sector’ where individuals need a hand. Such circles (MOAI?) are powerful assets for people who experience isolation and loneliness for whatever reason. However, loneliness and isolation are a global epidemic – at all ages. Thus, whether you call it Circle of Friends, the Men’s Shed, a wine collective - some buddies, or a MAOI – the name does not matter. The intentional practice of having a small group of people you trust – with whom you talk to regularly – is virtually a no cost strategy for a better life. You make the rules. Family is fine – but your chosen few may be ‘water family’ as well as blood family. You agree to ‘be there’ for each other. You agree to meet regularly – virtually or in person so geography is not a limitation. Deep trust is the core criteria. There does not have to be an agenda or a crisis. Sharing good news, bad news, struggles or just a visit – that is enough.
If you are feeling a little lonely, pluck up your courage – make a call – have a coffee with a potential MAOI friend. Chances are you already know each other – and this invitation simply makes the ‘implicit’ explicit – we will be there for each other. It may feel awkward to ask, but the worst case is this isn’t the right time. The best is that a friendship takes on a new level of commitment that is a win-win. I can assure you it is worth the risk. If you need more encouragement, listen to the Featured Podcast hosted by Dr. Vivek Murthy at inclusion.com.
Jack and Lynda
Servant Leadership
Our intention is to be “Servant-Leaders” with emphasis on being of service, deep listening, and leadership by stepping back. It translates into a deep commitment to creating better lives of contribution for all people in their communities. It means that injustice in its many forms becomes the energy source to build and rebuild our society as it should be - as it can be - if we rally and act.
We hear so much about scarcity, when the deeper truth is that in the West we have an overabundance of resources with a serious distribution problem. Regardless, the most critical resources we need are readily available. They are human resources -- us. We need each other. Our access to human resources is not determined by bureaucratic guidelines, government grants or corporate greed. We can decide to support each other in small daily acts of generosity that ultimately translate into global impacts for good. We can decide to live lives of meaning and contribution in every circumstance. We can determine a purpose for our lives. We can decide to build new and stronger communities, beginning right on our doorsteps.
Our underlying assumption is that every single one of us is a bundle of gifts and capacities. In our current world, many, perhaps most of those gifts remain uncontributed. Because they are not really gifts until given. We have been told in so many ways that we aren’t good enough, big enough, strong enough. Then we shut down and compress our innate talents into tiny virtually unopened chests.
The keys to these treasure chests of talents are immediately available and require no budget, no special status. The key is to ‘be fully present’ with another person and ASK them to tell you, their story. Then listen. When we listen to people and they can see us listening, we discover their treasures as they materialize between the lines of their stories. Each gentle wave of encouragement reveals another gift, another capacity. This encouragement enhances each person’s confidence to contribute their gifts with their friends and in their community. These resources are all but infinite and available if we have the courage to ask, and the discipline to listen. We need to invite and welcome gifts, find opportunities, and make spaces for everyone to contribute.
For us, this is important because relationships are the foundation of inclusion, where everyone is welcomed as a contributor and a friend. In current times, we are inundated by bad news, reports of violence at every level, systemic greed that tramples poverty with abandon. We are left feeling helpless, hopeless, and pushed to the margins. But, if we decide to lock on our intentions to build a better life, a better family, a stronger community, we will see past all the negative pressures, and ward them off with shields of possibility that we create. We will be buffeted, but we can develop the skill to use that negativity to drive us forward to fuller lives.
Our job is to bring forth gifts and help people discover what they really care about. Welcome to your homework assignment: to take care of your soul, build better communities, and perhaps save the planet.
Inclusion Press
Jack and Lynda
